To Tokyo, for New Challenges

At the end of August, I will be transferring to my firm’s Tokyo office.

The change is dramatic and spontaneous.

I’m really psyched.

I arrived in the United States on May 12, 1990.  It’s been 21 years, but I remember the days and months that followed surprisingly vividly.  The original plan to stay five years turned into ten, then college, then law school, then a career.

But I’m finally going back.

Life is funny.  Until high school, I never thought I’d go back.  Perhaps more importantly, I never wanted to go back.  I grew up in New Jersey surrounded by Americans with very little contact with Japanese people or culture.  I attended juku mostly because my parents viewed me as a lazy bum, not because I was expected to return to Japan to attend college.   It was understood that I was to graduate from an American college like my parents–and I was perfectly fine with that.

That hasn’t been true the last ten years.  I think most people who knew me from my days in Oakland, NJ will agree that I haven’t changed much in 20 years–I’m still immature, obsessed with markets and tall–but I do think I’ve changed in one significant way:  I’ve become more Japanese, or rather, have wanted to become more Japanese.  It’s ironic.  When I was still Japanese, I didn’t care to be.  When I became completely Americanized, I wanted to reconnect–or perhaps connect for the first time.  Wanting what you don’t have–perhaps that’s just part of life.

Now I get to go back to Japan and live like a Japanese.  While I have hopes of what that would be like, I’ve also got enough sense not to be delusional.  The move to Japan won’t be easy; everything will be familiar yet will be very different.  I know the language, but not how to catch the subtleties.  I know business cards are important, but not how to exchange them.  I know that the nail that stands gets hammered, but want to stand out.  I know, but I really don’t understand.

This will be the greatest challenge of my as of yet short life.

Why I’m doing this now is an easy question to answer:  because it feels right.  As the new year turned, I realized I wanted a major change.  Part of it was that I’ve become settled at my current position and had an urge for a new challenge.  But there was also something bigger at work.  I’ve had major events in my life before–going to college, deciding to go to law school, starting work–but they all seemed like a natural progression.  All challenges up to now were, in a way, predictable.  Going to Japan is not another stop in the course laid out, not for a graduate of American high school, college and law school.  This is not just a new challenge.  It’s a new life.

The question I don’t have an answer to is the one that everyone asks:  “For how long?”   The truth is that it’s this uncertainly that makes this change so exciting.  I’ve never experienced going into a true unknown.  I don’t know what’s in the future for me there.  Will I be seen as Japanese, American or neither?  Will I surround myself with foreigners or Japanese?  Will I enjoy living in the culture?  Will I miss America?  I could imagine myself just settling down there or wanting back what I left behind.

I have a little over six months left in my life in New York.  The decision I made a month ago is just beginning to sink in.  As it gets closer to when I actually have to go, I no doubt  feel sadness for leaving my closest friends behind and anxiety for venturing away from the familiar.  But for now, I’m euphoric.

Wish me luck.